01-01-2001

I'm sick. Still. And I'm getting really sick of being sick, too. It's been three weeks. I think that's plenty long enough to put up with snuffling and hacking and sneezing, don't you? I broke down and went to the doctor two weeks ago, who took my request to 'make it go away!' with tolerant amusement, prescribed a round of antibiotics, diagnosed me with a sinus infection, and sent me on my way. I dutifully took the horse pills three times a day, but they didn't seem to make a difference. This thing - whatever it is - subsided briefly around Christmas, but by New Year's, the snot factory was working overtime again, and I resorted to skulking in grocery stores, pondering the merits of drowsy versus non-drowsy versions of over-the-counter medications and blithely ignoring the label warnings about how much to take in one day.

I'm tired of being unable to breathe quietly. I'm tired of lying in bed and staring blankly into the dark and trying to convince myself that the cold meds will kick in soon, really they will. And to make it worse, along with this latest bout of snotty fun, I've also been gifted with insomnia. I should be tired. I should be dragging around and demanding naps, but no. I've tried the nap thing. It doesn't work. I lie in bed and try desperately to sleep and it doesn't happen. Every little sound jerks me back to consciousness. I doze in fits and spurts, but never long enough to feel as though I've rested. I'm not sure quite where my body is getting the energy to stay awake. Even my old standby cure for insomnia doesn't work. Sitting with a softly sleeping cat in my lap has always worked before. There's something too restful about a lapful of cat when the feline is asleep. The nose is warm, and the paws curl cutely around the face. Sometimes they stretch, toes extended, before curling tighter, nestling closer, trusting completely that you will keep them safe while they slumber. Even fully rested, my eyelids will start to get heavy when I'm being used as a cat bed, but not now., when I need sleep the most.

This insomnia has had a small benefit. We spent last night at my older sister's house, not wanting to drive the hour trip home on New Year's eve. This morning I heard my nephew get up and once I heard my sister's voice quietly shushing him, I slipped out of bed and went out to join them. We left the men snoring upstairs and headed downstairs with Aaron. While he ate cereal, she and I talked and laughed. We let him stir the waffle batter and then I blew bubbles for him while she made us breakfast. She and I don't often have a chance to talk, just the two of us, and so it was a rare and welcome gift.

Sniffles and coughs aside, it was a nice way to start the new year.