Take a whole pile of apples (about 5 or 6 pounds), recently purchased from Apple Hill, which have reached the state of ripeness where a person who will only eat their apples if rock hard and not the slightest bit squishy or grainy, can no longer eat them (um, that would be me, and why yes, I *do* have Fruit Issues, thanks for asking).

Using a handy dandy peeler / corer / slicer, peel, core, and slice them. Or at least use it until it is so covered in slimy apple goo that the peeler part no longer works, at which point you will have to peel the remainder of the apples by hand. (Mm. Slimy apple goo!)

Smash them all into the crockpot with a bunch of sugar and some cinnamon and cloves and nutmeg, cover, and cook all day on medium to low. Then run them through a food processor or a blender, or smash them up with a potato masher if you feel the need to release some aggression, and return the whole mess to the crockpot to simmer for a day or so. This time leave the lid off, so the liquid will evaporate. Give it a stir every now and then, and take deep breaths, because the kitchen should now smell like apple pie.

After a day or so, when it looks thick enough, drag a half dozen or so jars out of the pantry, sterilize them, rummage through the kitchen to figure out where your husband might possibly have hidde…I mean, ‘put away’ your canning funnel (heh), then commence to pour the extremely hot apple butter into jars, while carefully avoiding also pouring it onto the counter, the stove, or your fingers.

Seal, dump the jars into the boiling water left over from the jar-sterilization process, let them bubble around for about ten minutes, and then remove them and let them sit on the counter until you hear the deliciously satisfying ‘Pop’ that lets you know that the lid has properly sealed.

Pour remainder into a bowl and slather it on anything you can think of. Cheese blintzes for dinner, smothered in apple butter? Sure! Why not!

Makes about seven pint jars. Delicious!

It’s NaBloPoMo time again!