A while ago I sent away for the estimated costs to build the house that I really like. Archway Press will, for a minimal fee, do a rough estimate of how much it would cost to build your chosen house in the area you specify. The results came yesterday. I can afford it. Of course, I don’t know how much the land might cost – that might be the clincher, and this *is* just an estimate – but I can probably afford it.

I’m not sure whether this is a good thing or a bad thing. I think part of me wanted it to come back and say it was much too expensive and so it wouldn’t even be an option……but now it is. Right now I’m hanging onto this little piece of paper with numbers on it that state in black and white that my dream house is actually within reach….and I’m just not sure what to do anymore.

I want this house. I fell in love with it from the first time I saw the plans. And that is part of the problem. Because that’s all I’ve seen – the plans. I’ve never actually seen the house itself – just a drawing of how it might look. On the one hand, I have houses that are already built – whether it be a new community or a previously owned house. And I can walk through and visualize myself in those rooms, decorating those walls, walking down those stairs. On the other hand, I have this set of blueprints. With everything that I want in them. Stairs. Bay windows everywhere. A screened in back porch that I know the cats will adore. Window seats in the guest room and a nice big extra room for my office. A huge laundry room and a kitchen with actual counter space (dreamy sigh). And I have, in the past year or two, walked through enough houses so that I at least have a fair idea of what the dimensions represent in terms of room size and space. It’s not like I’m walking into this blind.

I’ve been told that I should just get a starter home. Something I can live in and sell a few years down the road when I get ‘more settled’. I know what that means. People still think it odd that a single woman might want to buy a house. Because inevitably the question arises – well, what if you meet someone? What are you going to do with your house then? And I honestly can’t answer that question. But why should I let some nebulous maybe-man deter me from owning my own home? And the next question is: why should I buy instead of build? What is so wrong with building? Besides the fact that just the thought is unnerving, I couldn’t blame any little annoying idiocyncracies on someone else’s choice of design. I would have to make the final decision on whether I wanted light or dark wood cabinets in the kitchen. If the bathroom tile looked hideous, I would have to accept full responsibility for it.

I dunno. I think I’ll go back and stare at those little numbers. Plenty of time to dither about this later.