Still Life, With Cats

Last night, as we were sitting at home, enjoying a quiet New Year’s Eve celebration, just us and the cats, we heard a noise from the kitchen. It sounded eerily familiar, so we went to investigate.

Imagine our surprise when we saw a Dalek! I thought they were just a made-up thing from that BBC show with the guy who flies around in a blue telephone box, but they are, in fact, real!

Sherman and Rupert were bravely doing their best to fend it off (apparently even Daleks have some respect for sharp cat claws), but luckily Richard remembered that he has a sonic screwdriver, so he was able to take care of it.

We looked around cautiously, but we didn’t see any others and thought that was the end of it. Even the cats didn’t seem to be all that concerned, although Rupert and Sherman sure were a bit hyper after the short-lived battle.

But that was last night. This morning when we woke up, there was an ominous hum from the kitchen, and we realized that things were far, far, worse than we had thought. Apparently the larger Dalek had left scores of tiny minions behind.

First we thought it was just this one, which had gotten itself tangled in the kitchen towels.

“Aww, who’s a cute little tangled Dalek,” I said, but then Richard reminded me it’s tacky to taunt the Daleks, and so we knocked it down and smashed it, and then gave it to the cats.

Unfortunately, the rest of them heard it, and that got them angry. Try getting coffee when this is standing in your way!

These particular Daleks were intoning something about ‘Encaffeinate’. Just what the world needs – caffeinated Daleks!

And it just kept getting worse and worse. Daleks in the microwave!

 Daleks in the silverware drawer!

I opened the drawer where we keep onions and potatoes and out came more Daleks (who knew when potatoes sprouted, they’d turn in such a horrible way!)

There were Daleks in the refrigerator

and in the dishwasher

And another batch of them scurrying around with the Kitchenaid, buzzing something that sounded like “Eggs Stir Mix Bake”.

Basically we’re looking at a full-on Dalek invasion. It isn’t pretty.

Richard tried, he really did, but one sonic screwdriver isn’t enough to take out this many of them. We don’t know where the cats are, although I hope they’re safe. I am typing this from the bathroom, where we have locked the door, but I can hear them coming ever closer, and I am afraid it is likely too late for us.

Please, if someone knows how to reach him, call The Doctor. Don’t let it be too late for all the rest of you!