Still Life, With Cats

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October 2015

On gossamer threads

September 29, 20–

Dear Paisley,

It was so great to talk to you yesterday. The new job sounds fantastic; definitely a better use of your skills than your previous employer. I’m looking forward to hearing more about it as you settle in.

Edward’s settling his new job as well – I think I told you that he recently took a position with Global Chemicor. It’s all hush hush work of course; isn’t that always the way with corporate research? He seems happy with the new position, although I do wish he weren’t working quite so many hours per day, but I suppose that’s what comes with the higher level of authority in the company. .

IMG_20151031_195633791Halloween is coming and I’m having so much fun getting the house ready. I am putting out the usual silly ghosts and pumpkins and such. Edward, the dear, brought home this horrid spider and gave it to me with such an excited look on his face that I didn’t have the heart to remind him that I really cannot stand spiders. Look at this thing – it’s ridiculous. But I suppose it’s the thought that counts. Maybe if I just tuck it off to one side on the porch no one will notice it. Mitzy, by the way, absolutely hates the thing – she barks and barks at it every time she catches sight of it, and has tried several times to tear it to bits. I admit I’d be tempted to let her, except that Edward really seems to adore the wretched thing.

Your friend,

Millie

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October 3rd, 20–

Dear Paisley,

IMG_20151031_084235901It was lovely to see you and Roger yesterday – feels like it’s been far too long since we were able to meet for lunch and chat in person. I’m sorry Edward couldn’t make it; this new job has really started to consume every single moment of his time. The only time I ever see him is at night, when he’s in bed, and even then he’s mumbling in his sleep about the strangest things.

I’m so glad your girls liked the nut bread. I’ve been doing a lot of baking; now that Hemworth and Bertram are off to college, I feel as if I’ve too much time on my hands. And it doesn’t help that Edward’s barely ever home.

Remember that horrid spider I told you Edward brought me a few weeks ago? It seems like everywhere I go they’re selling these things. I know it’s Halloween season, but really, there’s more to Halloween than giant spiders. I was looking for orange and black crepe paper for the party and I couldn’t find it anywhere; but apparently if I was willing to decorate with tacky plastic spiders, I’d be all set. Ugh. I mean, look at this. Does no one have any other way of decorating?

Anyway, I am off to meet up with my friend Cecily. She has three darling little Corgis, and they and Mitzy all get along so well that we’ve been going on walks together around the neighborhood. She hates those spiders too.

Your friend,

Millie

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October 13, 20–

Dear Paisley,

I see from the pictures you sent that the spider craze isn’t just here. Just the other morning I was out walking and nearly every other house has at least one or two of the horrid things hung in a tree, or perched on a wall. What ever happened to the decorating classics? Some nice tombstones, or skeletons or even just an array of tastefully decorated pumpkins? But no, nearly every house is festooned with spiders. It has become something of a nightmare, taking little Mitzy for her daily walks. She lunges at barks at every single spider she sees.

Paisley, I have to admit, I’m starting to worry about Edward. He’s looking awfully pale the past few days, and at night he talks in his sleep, something about sphingomyelinase, or some such nonsense. I’ve asked him about it but he just tells me it’s nothing, and then rushes off to the lab. I’m beginning to think that perhaps transferring to Global Chemicor was a bad idea.

your friend,

Millie

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October 20, 20–

Dear Paisley,

Thank you so much for your phone call and flowers. I am sure that when Edward awakes he will greatly enjoy them. I am not sure, however, when that might be; the doctors seem a bit baffled. I am still in a bit of shock about the whole situation. Global Chemicor hasn’t been very forthcoming on details; all I know is that he collapsed at the lab, and they did not even bother to inform me until hours later when he was at the hospital. You can be sure that when Edward recovers, we will be having a hard talk about him finding a new job.

Meanwhile every time I turn around there are more of those wretched spiders. This was in Cecily’s front yard yesterday morning, which surprised me because it wasn’t that long ago she was telling me just how much she hated them. I’m getting a bit worried about her because she asked me to meet her yesterday but she didn’t answer the door and I haven’t heard from her at all. IMG_20151031_092326339

You know I love Halloween, but I admit this year I cannot wait for it to be over. With Edward in the hospital, I am home alone, and I just keep getting this sensation that I am being watched. I woke up the other night and could swear I heard skittering, but when I turned on the light there was nothing there. Mitzy was growling at the walls though, so perhaps there are mice. Oh, I wish Edward was here!

your friend,

Millie

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October 31, 20–

Dear Paisley,

I pray you receive this before it’s too late. I did try to call but the phone lines appear to be down, and I dare not go outside because, well, I suspect you already know.

They’re everywhere. I’m not sure what they were doing at Global Chemicor, but clearly things got out of control. I took this picture out my front window, before I nailed boards across it. I am doing my best to block every entrance. I suggest you do the same.

IMG_20151031_090023493

I have already killed too many of them to count. Turns out I’m pretty good with a butcher knife, and Mitzy is a terrier, so she’s really coming into her own. But there are far too many of them out there, and they just keep on coming.

There is skittering in the attic, and screaming outside, so I had better close for now. Stay safe,

all my love,

Millie



Don’t blink

Somehow it is nearly Halloween, a fact which didn’t quite hit me until a day or two ago. Yes, yes, people have been decorating their yards with various graveyard paraphernalia, and giant spiders have been popping up all over the place, and there are pumpkins everywhere we go, but still, wow. Almost Halloween. Where did October go?

Halloween means parties – the neighborhood one, and then the ones at work – and parties means I have to come up with some kind of appropriately themed food. In years past we’ve done Litter Box Cake for Richard’s work party, but it’s kind of a pain to make and one recipe makes a LOT of cake, so we always have a ton of it leftover. I’ve also done ‘finger’ cookies (cute and tasty) and cat poop cookies (disturbingly realistic, and not really tasty enough for the effort) and so on, but this year I was pondering ideas and then remembered that I now possessed a set of food color pens, and then I figured out immediately what I was going to make: Monster Eyes.

I started with a basic almond cookie. I have been making almond cookies for years and years (it’s something my mom used to make). If you do a Google search for ‘Chinese almond cookie’ you’ll find a bazillion versions of the recipe so I’m not going to bother posting all the details here (although if you really want to know, I used this recipe primarily because the recipe I normally use uses shortening and I didn’t have any in the house). Also, although most of the recipes online don’t call for it, I rolled the dough into logs and tossed them into the fridge to chill for a couple hours, because it is then *so* much easier to slice them evenly so you end up with exactly the number of cookies you need.

Usually I do not bother to use blanched almonds because we pretty much always have a giant bag of raw almonds in the freezer (handy for baking / snacking), but if one is to decorate cookies, one needs blanched almonds. After consulting Google (all hail Google), I discovered that it is stupidly easy to blanch almonds yourself, so armed with 120 almonds (because yes, that’s how many cookies I churned out in one day – three dozen per party, plus a couple extra for….uh…quality control testing), and some boiling water, and two huge batches of cookie dough, I baked up a huge batch of Monster Eyes.

I am quite pleased with how they turned out. Decorating them was extremely simple (which is good because my artistic skills when it comes to food decorating are pretty much nonexistent), and consisted of waiting for the cookies to cool and then drawing a little black oval ‘pupil’ onto the middle of the almond. Poof. Monster Eye.

MonsterEyeCookies

In retrospect, I could have really had fun and stirred in some food coloring, but I didn’t actually think about that until after the third batch was in the oven, so ah well, maybe next time.

Posting for Horrordailies. Boo.



Dim

So for the past who-the-heck-knows how many years Richard and I have been hosting Holidailies, which is a daily blogging thing that runs during the month of December. It was started by another couple entirely, but then we took over when they decided they didn’t want to run it anymore, and this past year they decided to sign the domain over to us and hand it off completely.

Richard’s been talking for years about how he wanted to someday give the code an overhaul (this is in no way a reflection of the quality of what the original folks created; it’s just that any system starts to get a bit clunky after more than 10 years, especially as the rest of the internets kept on updating around it). This year he finally decided to give it a go.

We tossed around a couple of ideas for things we’d like to incorporate, and one of the ideas was to open the portal up for more than just the month of December. I came up with the idea of Horrordailies for October. Admittedly I was a bit vague on how that might actually work, but Richard’s preferred style of fiction writing tends to be horror or comic horror so I figured it might give him something to play with.

Anyway. All of this is to say that the site has been revamped, basic functionality is working (fingers crossed) and we’ve opened it up to beta users with the hopes that they’ll poke at it and play with it and let us know what isn’t working. If all goes as planned, Richard will have time to get all the (major) bugs smoothed out prior to the official launch in December, but in the meantime some of us really ought to be posting stuff to it. I suppose some of us also includes me.

Technically I ought to do a recap of everything I’ve been up to in the past several months, but I don’t really feel like it quite yet, so instead I shall share a short little story about Azzie.

Azzie is sixteen years old, with long black hair that tends to mat if you look at him cross-eyed (naturally, since he HATES being brushed with the fury of a thousand angry suns) and big round eyes and the brain power of your average overripe avocado. He is cute, but oh, he is dim. Here is an example.

Our house is 100 or so years old, and as is the way of old houses, some of the doors don’t quite hang true anymore. The closet in the office is one such door and we gave up long ago on trying to keep it shut. The latch doesn’t actually latch; the door itself just swings slowly open. The only thing that keeps it (mostly) closed is the fact that the door to the office itself opens into the door to the closet, so since we keep *that* door open all the time, that at least keeps the closet door mostly shut. There is still, however, always a bit of a gap. It is important that you keep this in mind, that there is a gap. Plus neither door is heavy and the cats all figured out that they could go in and out at will, just by pawing at the closet door.

All the cats, that is, but Azzie.

I was downstairs dealing with laundry and heard him start to holler. He’s gotten noisier as he gets older, so at first I thought it was just his usual ‘where are you?’ yelling, but then I realized it was getting more insistent so I came upstairs and went looking for him.

And by now possibly you have figured out where I found him. Somehow he got himself into the closet. But then, unlike every single other cat who has ever lived in this house, he couldn’t figure out how to get back out. So I saw him, through the gap, yelling at me, because he was stuck.

I reached out and poked at the door. It swung open with the power of one finger. Clearly he could have managed it himself if he’d tried.

Poor little Azzie. Sometimes the world is awfully hard for those who have very little brain.

Posting for Horrordailies. Boo.




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